Sex Talks: Embarrassing But Effective

I can still remember the moment when my mother sat me down for my first “sex talk.” I believe I was about 10 or 11 and the first one mostly focused on general issues that affect girls—our reproductive systems, our bodies, our battle with that monthly beast called a period. When I was a bit older, a second talk came down the pipe that involved actual sex and all that good stuff.

I was absolutely and positively mortified.

There’s no getting around the fact that sex talks with young teenagers are embarrassing, for both the child and the adult. But as Time Magazine reports, it’s also very necessary.

Some key points from the article, which deals with a new study published in Pediatrics:

• “Researchers found that more than 40% of adolescents had had intercourse before talking to their parents about safe sex, birth control or sexually transmitted diseases.”
  
• By the end of the study, more than half of the parents (out of 141 families) “reported that they had not discussed 14 of the 24 sex-related topics by the time their adolescents had begun genital touching or oral sex with partners.”
• “Forty-two percent of girls reported that they had not discussed the effectiveness of birth control and 40% admitted they had not talked with their parents about how to refuse sex before engaging in genital touching.”
• Nearly 70% of boys said they had not discussed how to use a condom or other birth-control methods with their parents before having intercourse.
• “Teens who talk to their parents about sex are more likely to delay their first sexual encounter and to practice safe sex when they do become sexually active.”

The study goes back to the core belief that parents need to be talking about these very serious issues with their kids—and not just vaguely. The study suggests that the most positive outcomes come from parent(s) who discuss specifics with their children and have more than one big “sex talk.” General ideas about sex might be fine for your 11-year-old but a 15/16/17 year old girl/boy will want to know more details as well as information about birth control.

We’ve discussed our feelings on this topic before. This “abstinence-only” approach that seems to be pervading our country is NOT WORKING. It’s a fact. Teen pregnancies are on the rise once again, as well as the alarming rate of STDs amongst teenagers, and promise rings just ain’t going to cut it.

The world is different now and kids are being exposed to sex way earlier than they used to be. As a parent or guardian, you can’t necessarily help what your child may be hearing in school from friends, but you can arm them with the knowledge and information they need to make positive decisions.

I may have squirmed through every moment of those sex talks with my mother but in retrospect, I’m glad we had them. Above all else, she taught me that these questions were normal and nothing to be ashamed of while also opening the door for any future discussions I may have wanted to have with her. I’m sure the talk wasn’t easy on her either, but it certainly gives me an example to look to should I ever raise any kids of my own one day.

Excuse me, while I go hyperventilate over that mental picture.